I am truely sorry to put you through my weird moodswings again, I just feel like I have to get this out of my system…
So, I was not at school today. Why? Well, because when I woke up I just new that today would be a very bad day for going to school. I kinda felt stressed out about it though I didn’t panic about it because I knew I made a decision to stay home (usually I can’t make up my mind - should I go or not?). So after I had slept a little longer and my mom came home from work we had very much fun buying an aquarium for our to goldfish, cause the fishbowl wasn’t really big enough.
But right now my mind is kind of screwed again… I feel extremely sad and scared and I don’t know why really! I feel like I just wan’t to stay at home forever and never go out again. All I wan’t to do is just sleep and forget everything about my surroundings, and yet I just can’t fall asleep. I know I should go to school tomorrow cause I’ve been fine all day, and I think my parents would be disappointed in me if don’t go… but right now I just feel like crying, cause just the thought makes me scared.
I am also freaking out because soon I’ll go to some kind of psychiatrist because I got this thing called a panic disorders which I think I have told about before. If not it is (in my case) some apparently random panic attacks. I know going to a psychiatrist would be really good for me, but I am so fucking scared that he won’t take me seriously… And I don’t what to say to him. I don’t get these panic attacks very often, but when they do I am normally incapable of doing anything sociable for a couple of days. Getting the diagnose was really helpful though, and as my docter said I was already dealing with it before I knew what it was.
Ohh I don’t know, I should probably just stop whining, pull myself together and go to school…